Finally, I have the courage to be back on my blogs. Nararamdaman ko kasi madalas na Sino bang nagbabasa ng blogs ko? then I came across an article posted by my fellow blogger, never stop blogging even though no one is reading.
And I felt sorry for myself, ang daming araw ang sinayang ko at wala akong pinost. I forgot the reason why I started blogging.
I forgot the reason why I started doing the things that I loved.
I forgot the reason why I choose to be here and do this.
I forgot a lot of things.
I am pursuaded by the pain and darkness and I allow it to swallow me alive and forgot that there’s something in me.
Minsan kasi naghahanap rin tayo ng appreciation sa ibang tao, sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, sa trabaho o kahit sa taong hindi naman natin kakilala. Nakaka-boost minsan ng self confidence. Yes, hindi natin dapat ‘to inaasa sa ibang tao kasi it is our job to appreciate ourselves pero sabi ko nga minsan hindi man madalas pero minsan.
So today, I am trying to do the things I love.
I have this breakthrough journal that I started this year, 2021. Ang cool kasi minsan umaayon ang universe sa nararamdaman mo. And today, my activity is Do you feel freedom in your life?
I listed the things that I feel the freedom. Guess what? It went on and on.
Freedom to love. Freedom to be independent. Freedom to care. Feedom to whatever I wanna do.
And as I end the freedom list, this what I realize, hindi lahat ng bagay napalaya ko na.
Hindi ko pa rin pala pinapalaya ang negative vibes sa katawan ko. Hindi ko pa rin pala pinapalaya ang itim na puso ko.
Siguro isa ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ko mahanap sa sarili ko ang sigla sa pagsusulat, Why I choose darkness.
Most of the time, I feel I am haunted by the past and I am drowning, I forgot the salvation that carried me to who I am today.
The freedom to love and be loved, I forgot about it because I was so focused of having the hatred inside me.
Pinalaya nya ako pero hindi ko pa rin pinapalaya ang sakit na ginawa nya sa pamilya ko. And that really haunts me at night and fear of the future.
I am not financially free, long list of bills are catching up pero I have work to pay them and yet I am so impatient na matapos na ang lahat ng bayarin. Sabi nga, kung ang pera mo binayad mo sa bills, meaning responsable kang mamayan. may point. 😀
+ Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
I also forgot that Christ has set me free, he free me from my sins. He free me from hatred. He free me from anger. He gave me freedom but then I was burdened AGAIN by the slavery.
Through this breakthrough journal, I know one day, I am no longer slave by the dark past. Let me end my blog by Pope John Paul II “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought“.
Ask your self, Do you feel freedom in your life?