I am once again given a chance to share my life’s journey at The Feast Oman, a spiritual organization.
Minsan naiisip ko, what’s with me and my life? Why I was given this opportunity to stand in front and talk about the miserable life I had in the past and a struggling present with a confused future.
Having said that, here’s the life testimony I made and hopefully it could be a help in your journey.
When I had my first job as Recruitment Associate in Makati and earned my own money, I was so proud of myself but I am selfish. I was in a long term relationship back then, the relationship was Abusived.
I was persuaded not to give to my family and saved it up for myself. And because I have the wrong idea of love. I did to please him. It continued for 6 more long years, until I reached my peak. I left my dreams of becoming a lawyer, and worked in Oman to provide for my family. To give back to my parents who did everything for their only daugther, ME.
I became a breadwinner, main provider of the family. I became a blessing to them. But deep within me, I am longing for something that cant be fulfilled by providing everything for my family. My sacrifices weren’t enough to reach that feeling of worthiness. So I long for somene who will love me, a romantic relationship.
I was devastated within yet I continue to support my family. Portrayed that I can managed everything on my own, but deep within Im dying! Few years of dealing with depression, taking antidepressants, pretending to be the best Daugther, I AM BEST ACTOR IN PRETENDING ROLE.
At the beginning of this year, I was forcefully given a task to write down my goals for 2019. Even so I was “forced” to do it, none of them knew I was writting it down in my diary since I was 13. Ticking off what I accomplished for the whole 365 days. To be honest, none of it happened until I turned 28.
At 28, I found out that I am pregnant and months later gave birth to my son, Sebastian. This cannot be defined how blessed I am having him and make him my world. The only man I am sure who is willing to stuck up with me until my hair turns gray and I no longer have the charm.
When he came into my life, literally, my world and priority turned upside down. Its no longer I but his. My dreams are put on hold and make dreams for him, for us. I was so excited to see him grow up and be the man God wants him to be.
If God will allow me, I want him to be a PRIEST. Yes, I want him to be serving God closer and devote his life to him alone. BUT THAT’S ME not his. As of the moment, we’ve seen him loving music, singing to be exact (like his Mama!) as a proud Mama, I will be supporting him like my parents did to me.
SEBASTIAN is My pride and joy. My happiness. My weakness and strength. My everything. The one and only man I want to live my life longer. The one and only man, I want to be with. The one and only man I wanna grow old with. Kung ‘di rin lang Sebseb ko, ‘wag na lang. Ang nag-iisang lalake na gagawin ko ang lahat sa ngalan ng pag-ibig.
Being a single Mom takes alot of courage and hard work. Raising a son, scares me because of the pain I had with his father and past relationships. I am working it out for quite sometime because I don’t want my son to hold an instant grudges to his father. He doesnt need to be mad at him “Labas na sya dun.” It is between me and his father alone. Sebastian needs to know his father on his own terms.
I continue to provide for my family needs and wants. They’re taking care my son, who by the way, is the first grandchild. My mom loves him dearly, he is my Mom’s guardian angel and my Dad’s mini-me.
One day, I woke up half dead. And I don’t want to be like that for the rest of my life. So I look for all the possibility to manage it. I dig deeper, searching what’s been missing, waiting only to be found.
At this point, I still continue to struggle to be the obedient disciple of Jesus, still weak, still a sinner.
But I no longer begged people to stay if they want to go.
I no longer be persuaded of what I must do in my life.
I live my life at the moment & making myself happy.
Where am I right now, with my struggles and victories, is exactly where God will empower me so I can become a blessing to others. My blessings come in that form and in that particular time because it’s how God wants to use me. Because our lives are wonderful testimonies to His greatness.
Recently, I did something Ive been wanting to do when I was 13, visit my #1 dream destination – MALDIVES.
I went there not for soul searching because I already have it with me but to fulfill a dream I once have. To live a dream I created in the young mind of 13.
Not all dreams are seen in happily ever after, it is also seen how you love yourself and how you will become a blessing to other people.
Now, My love tank is full and have so much love to give. Here, standing in front of you confidently declaring with a soulful heart that I am #BLESSED and ready to be someone’s blessing. Thank you.
HEY! IM NOT A SAINT! Im still a hooman trying to figure out life and what is out there. I still stumble and fall, I am still a sinner. We always are. The only difference now is, I see his hope, faith and love in me. Never stop, Keep Going!